I'm so tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here
"The heart dies a slow death shedding hope like leaves Until there are none left"
-Memoirs of a Geisha
I watched Memoirs with Iya yesterday. It was pretty ok, except that it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. The storyline would be pretty confusing for those who haven't read the book. I was disappointed that none of the geishas wore the "wareshinobu" hair style. Di ba ma-afford ng props department ang mga wig?! And what's up with Hatsumomo setting fire to the okiya until there are roaring flames then buo pa din yung okiya sa huli even though it was just made of wood and paper? Also it was weird when the characters were talking in Japanese at the beginning of the movie then suddenly spoke English once they were brought to Miyagawa-cho. Huhuhu. This is what happens when you try to fit a 500 page novel into a 2 1/2 hour movie. The kimonos were awesome though, and I think Gong Li did justice to Hatsumomo's description in the book.
***** Also, yesterday, my bestfriend Lyra texted me with the ff. message: "Hi trish! Do you know any cute and smart girls 16-17 yrs old, available as date for my cousin to the Southridge prom tonight? I can lend her a dress if she's my size"
For a moment I toyed with the ludicrous idea-from-satan of posing as a 16 year old (which wouldn't be hard given my physique) to a cute highschool kid to get a free dinner and go dancing in an outfit, but then dismissed the thought as immoral.
So I replied, "Sorry dear, I don't. But do you know any nice and smart 22-26 year old guys that I can go out with?"
She replied, "Yung cousin ko, you like? Kaso hindi sha 22-26.... JK"
Then, with my mind backtracking that She and I are almost the same dress size, I had a sudden horrifying realization that she might have actually thought of fixing me up as prom date for her highschool cousin. For a few seconds I felt annoyed before banishing the disloyal thought.
***** I was feeling a little blue awhile ago.
I needed a hug... but there was no one there. So this is me molesting my hello kitty pillow. Oof! Yeah yeah, wala talaga akong magawa. (disclaimer: di ko kamukha itong pic na ito. dunno why). Oh and this is really an evil grin. I'm was wringing someone's neck in my mind.
sugarfish_00 was bruised at 09:13 pm Friday, February 24, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
So why can't I turn off the radio?
Enough is enough. I know I'm stronger than this.
So Love, why do I miss you?
This song reminds me of your voice, of how great it sounds when you sing:
" I'm so over bein' blue and cryin' over you. I'm so sick of love songs, So tired of tears. So done with wishing you were still here. I'm so sick of love songs, so sad and slow..So why can't I turn off the radio? "
I really hate you. :(
I read Bitchgoddess' entry, "Wanted, Boyfriend" and I thought it was funny. I've always thought of posting something like that here, just for laughs. Yeah, it would be cool to have a boyfriend who is tailor-fit to one's needs and personality. I know that boys will be boys, and that's fine with me. It's just so hard to find the right jerk.
Boyfriend, if you are walking the same earth, the same island then come find me. What is taking you so long? How many more frogs do I have to kiss?
Fuck Valentines Day. How totally overrated.
Yeah, yeah. So I got balloons, a stuffed toy, flowers, chocolate, and a pair of lovebirds. But that doesn't mean that I don't hate Valentines just cuz someone was thoughtful enough to give me stuff.
It makes no sense to me that you'd give me stuff and then screw up.
If there is one thing that February 11 has taught me, it's getting over disappointments easily
Ok, so scrap seeing "Memoirs of a Geisha" which is like the most important movie to me. I got over that in like, 2 minutes.
sugarfish_00 was bruised at 02:43 pm Sunday, February 19, 2006
Friday, February 17, 2006
Only God Knows Why
Depression = All time low.
I haven't written anything in a long time. My life is just one big trip to the mental hospital these past few days. The good thing is I've learned to accept that there are really some things that happen because they just have to. I don't want to blame myself for anything anymore.
At work they've told me that I've grown increasingly quiet and more serious. Usually I'd go around trying to joke with people and distracting everyone from work, just because I thought it was fun. Now I just stay in my area, trying to concentrate my paperwork, but not really accomplishing anything.
This is really not me. I know myself.
I don't want to ask anymore questions. If this is the way it has to be, then so be it.
sugarfish_00 was bruised at 02:44 am Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Sunday, January 22, 2006
South Beach Diet (Jolly Jeep Variation)
(bacillary dysentry + food poisoning) x 3 days = instant weight loss / near death experience
Procedure: Buy 1 mami or goto from the nearest (and hopefully most insanitary) jolly jeep outlet. Be sure that the soup has a strong rusty taste, with a hint of soiliness (Warning: People who are too hungry or stressed from work will not notice the taste difference. It is always good to have a pretentious boss/co-worker who will say, "Ay ano yang food mo? Patikim! Ay, bakit ang weird ng lasa?" after you have nearly emptied your bowl of noodles). Wait 8 hours, and voila! Lay back and let the microbes do the rest. Be sure to have a steady supply of Gatorade (or even Pedialite) on hand to prevent dehydration, or in worst cases, death.
From first hand experience I have noted the following observations: pros: - have lost weight in such that I don't need to diet anymore for bikini season - have been dehydrated to the point that I've lost all traces of oil and spots on my face, resulting in a smooth, porcelain-like finish without having to use face powder - have gone on an all-liquid diet, without meaning to, thereby detoxifying and removing all impurities
cons: - have nearly died - along with the toxins, I have expelled all possible fluids/nutrients etc. due to simultaneous diarrhea and vomiting - have been unconcious for a total of 2 days, due to fever and malaise, resulting in dreamless sleep in between vomiting and stomach explosions (but have woken up in time to see who won in boxing :P)
Other notables: - advantage to have a sister who works in Accenture to have all your medicine reimbursed for you - advantage to be working in life insurance company who will cover your hospital confinement - advantage to be working in life insurance company who has already insured you for a considerable amount, thereby curtailing your bereavement expenses and allowing a reasonable claim to make sure your loved ones will not suffer should you not survive the Jolly Jeep diet
Ok. So, it is true that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
*Warning to all: Mag-ingat sa mga pagkain na binili lamang kung saan-saan :P
sugarfish_00 was bruised at 12:04 pm Sunday, January 22, 2006
Monday, January 16, 2006
Much has been said
I'm so depresed and confused today.
I feel like suddenly you don't need me anymore. After our conversation I feel like you wouldn't bother with me again because you said to me "Alrite, if that's what you want" and left it at that. Well, don't you see that this is not what I want at all.
I don't know what to say, feel, or do anymore..
Not so long ago, when you were depressed and needed me, I was there and you thanked me. It made me happy then. And I told you at that time, "I know you would do the same for me."
I can barely stand to see myself I don't know what to do anymore I'm crying out for help Ohh Lord, much has been said Will I never learn?
Keeping my fingers crossed Praying for my luck to turn But I can't complain I'm living it easy Job's keeping me busy Going crazy Can't describe the way it felt When you left and said your goodbyes It just seems crazy for me to think That I'll find love a second time But we all know how it all wraps up in the end Maybe tomorrow we’ll find Ohhh Lord… What am I leaving behind?
sugarfish_00 was bruised at 08:13 am Monday, January 16, 2006
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Tulog na, Mahal ko
3:00 a.m. today : I had another bad dream about ano hito no wo ai shimasu (that person) (yes iya, it's the same person ). I wake up badly shaken, my heart contracting in my chest.
Can't you leave me alone even in my dreams?
With waking up and going back to sleep equally out of the question, I desperately try to ring anyone whom I think might still be awake. At 3:15 a.m., to no avail, I realize that I'm alone.
I wrap my blankets tightly around myself and close my eyes in an attempt to go back to sleep. Then I realize that I'm crying. There is nothing worse that forcing yourself to go back to sleep on a wet pillow.
At 3:40 someone calls me, as if heaven sent help from God. He tells me "Tulog ka na ulit, bantay kita." Cheesily enough, I fall asleep with my celphone under my ear.
I've said this before. I don't want any more dreams. Am I denied even a good night's sleep?
sugarfish_00 was bruised at 06:08 am Saturday, January 14, 2006
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Don't Forget about Us
I feel like I've turned into Gaara these past few days.
I was in so much emotional turmoil today. For lack of an immediate outlet, I cried in my manager's (Valmi's) office. (I am very close to my manager and sometimes I think she spoils me rotten, eg. lets me get away with doing my reports late) While She and Weng were so patiently listening while I bleated in a sheep's voice about what was the matter, in the end they thought the whole thing was quite laughable. Weng couldn't believe I was crying over some dumb guy. Valmi was a little more supportive, and kept asking me if there was anything that I wanted to eat that would make me feel better. Why do some people think that food is a replacement for love? They kept making me laugh while I was crying, that I soon felt better before I knew it.
Anyway, tomorrow we are going to a nice Japanese restaurant for lunch.
Other planned activities to make me feel better: Saturday: - going shopping then to my bestfriend's boyfriend's party. Sunday: - going to get my nails done or get a haircut (assuming that I am not too hungover due to frenzied drinking the night before) ; maybe buy a new pair of shoes ; or just work on inner poise and rebuild self confidence (cheaper alternative to frenzied shopping, brought about by excess money, owing to the fact that I was going to buy this guy a dog as a surprise for his birthday in February and now the money will be going elsewhere)
Anyway, I've resolved to just keep things to myself and not tell anyone about what happened. I will just simply detach from my emotions.