"The heart dies a slow death
shedding hope like leaves
Until there are none left"

-Memoirs of a Geisha

I watched Memoirs with Iya yesterday. It was pretty ok, except that it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. The storyline would be pretty confusing for those who haven't read the book. I was disappointed that none of the geishas wore the "wareshinobu" hair style. Di ba ma-afford ng props department ang mga wig?! And what's up with Hatsumomo setting fire to the okiya until there are roaring flames then buo pa din yung okiya sa huli even though it was just made of wood and paper? Also it was weird when the characters were talking in Japanese at the beginning of the movie then suddenly spoke English once they were brought to Miyagawa-cho. Huhuhu. This is what happens when you try to fit a 500 page novel into a 2 1/2 hour movie. The kimonos were awesome though, and I think Gong Li did justice to Hatsumomo's description in the book.

*****
Also, yesterday, my bestfriend Lyra texted me with the ff. message:
"Hi trish! Do you know any cute and smart girls 16-17 yrs old, available as date for my cousin to the Southridge prom tonight? I can lend her a dress if she's my size"

For a moment I toyed with the ludicrous idea-from-satan of posing as a 16 year old (which wouldn't be hard given my physique) to a cute highschool kid to get a free dinner and go dancing in an outfit, but then dismissed the thought as immoral.

So I replied, "Sorry dear, I don't. But do you know any nice and smart 22-26 year old guys that I can go out with?"

She replied, "Yung cousin ko, you like? Kaso hindi sha 22-26.... JK"

Then, with my mind backtracking that She and I are almost the same dress size, I had a sudden horrifying realization that she might have actually thought of fixing me up as prom date for her highschool cousin. For a few seconds I felt annoyed before banishing the disloyal thought.

*****
I was feeling a little blue awhile ago.

I needed a hug... but there was no one there. So this is me molesting my hello kitty pillow. Oof! Yeah yeah, wala talaga akong magawa. (disclaimer: di ko kamukha itong pic na ito. dunno why). Oh and this is really an evil grin. I'm was wringing someone's neck in my mind.

Anong meron?

1. New layout! I just got so tired and bored of being sad. I'm going to start acting all happy, then maybe good things will start happening to me :P

2. Movie buddy to watch Memoirs of a Geisha. Hurrah!! I'm so glad because I wanted to watch the movie with someone who will appreciate it! Love you sis Iya!

3. Letter from my boss:

Dear Trish,

In behalf of the Company, I would like to thank you for your interest in taking responsibility for your personal development, particularly in improving your knowledge in our life insurance industry.

Management has approved your participation in the forthcoming LOMA exams with the following LOMANET Enrollment Confirmation

etc.. etc...

Yehey! Pagkakataon ko na ito, para ma-promote na ako. Sana hindi ko ibagsak kundi babayaran ko yung exam --> $90.

*****
In the making palang:

Items:                                   Time Frame:
- Non-pro driver's license*         - in 2 weeks
- Nokia 6100                          - in 1 month
- Ipod Video                          - in 3 months
- Boyfriend                             - within decade (nyar nyar nyar)

I need money!! Pano kaya ako yayaman agad?

To the one who was supposed to pay my phone bill but didn't: Fuck you kid. Fuck you.

My boss told me the other day: "Yaan mo na, di ka naman yayaman jan. Pera lang yan, kikitain mo yan ulit."

*Opo, sa maniwala kayo o hindi, nakakapag-drive ako :P abot ko :P ok!

*****
To all those who hurt me, nilaglag ako at nilamangan ako... (mga hinayupak!) you all cease to exist for me from now on.

*****
I was so bored awhile ago while waiting for my mom, I took a pic of myself in the car (nakahiga ako sa backseat..with matching kamay na ginawang make-shift unan):

Lekat. Ang laki pala ng pic. Tamad na ako mag-resize. Mukha akong pusa. Meow!!!

Bored din ako sa office kanina, Nag-picture ako habang nagsasagot ng telepono:

Sabi ng officemate ko nung mahuli  nya akong nagph-photoshoot: "Kilala mo si Narcissus? Ikaw yung babaeng version."

Hehehe. Diko naman kamukha ang pics sa totoong buhay. Bat kaya.

*****

Yun lang. Yun lang ang meron ang taong nagpapaka-happy.

Enough is enough. I know I'm stronger than this.

So Love, why do I miss you?

Bastard.

This song reminds me of your voice, of how great it sounds when you sing:

" I'm so over bein' blue and cryin' over you. I'm so sick of love songs, So tired of tears. So done with wishing you were still here. I'm so sick of love songs, so sad and slow..So why can't I turn off the radio? "

I really hate you. :(

*****

I read Bitchgoddess' entry, "Wanted, Boyfriend" and I thought it was funny. I've always thought of posting something like that here, just for laughs. Yeah, it would be cool to have a boyfriend who is tailor-fit to one's needs and personality. I know that boys will be boys, and that's fine with me. It's just so hard to find the right jerk.

Boyfriend, if you are walking the same earth, the same island then come find me. What is taking you so long? How many more frogs do I have to kiss?

*****

Fuck Valentines Day. How totally overrated.

Yeah, yeah. So I got balloons, a stuffed toy, flowers, chocolate, and a pair of lovebirds. But that doesn't mean that I don't hate Valentines just cuz someone was thoughtful enough to give me stuff.

It makes no sense to me that you'd give me stuff and then screw up.

*****

If there is one thing that February 11 has taught me, it's getting over disappointments easily

Ok, so scrap seeing "Memoirs of a Geisha" which is like the most important movie to me. I got over that in like, 2 minutes.

Yeah. Screw that.

*****

I'm so sick of love songs.

Depression = All time low.

I haven't written anything in a long time. My life is just one big trip to the mental hospital these past few days. The good thing is I've learned to accept that there are really some things that happen because they just have to. I don't want to blame myself for anything anymore.

At work they've told me that I've grown increasingly quiet and more serious. Usually I'd go around trying to joke with people and distracting everyone from work, just because I thought it was fun. Now I just stay in my area, trying to concentrate my paperwork, but not really accomplishing anything.

This is really not me. I know myself.

I don't want to ask anymore questions. If this is the way it has to be, then so be it.

I just ate some Ovaltine out of a packet using a spoon.

:(

I feel so depressed.......

(bacillary dysentry + food poisoning) x 3 days = instant weight loss / near death experience

Procedure: Buy 1 mami or goto from the nearest (and hopefully most insanitary) jolly jeep outlet. Be sure that the soup has a strong rusty taste, with a hint of soiliness (Warning: People who are too hungry or stressed from work will not notice the taste difference. It is always good to have a pretentious boss/co-worker who will say, "Ay ano yang food mo? Patikim! Ay, bakit ang weird ng lasa?" after you have nearly emptied your bowl of noodles). Wait 8 hours, and voila! Lay back and let the microbes do the rest. Be sure to have a steady supply of Gatorade (or even Pedialite) on hand to prevent dehydration, or in worst cases, death.

From first hand experience I have noted the following observations:
pros:
- have lost weight in such that I don't need to diet anymore for bikini season
- have been dehydrated to the point that I've lost all traces of oil and spots on my face, resulting in a smooth, porcelain-like finish without having to use face powder
- have gone on an all-liquid diet, without meaning to, thereby detoxifying and removing all impurities

cons:
- have nearly died
- along with the toxins, I have expelled all possible fluids/nutrients etc. due to simultaneous diarrhea and vomiting
- have been unconcious for a total of 2 days, due to fever and malaise, resulting in dreamless sleep in between vomiting and stomach explosions (but have woken up in time to see who won in boxing :P)

Other notables:
- advantage to have a sister who works in Accenture to have all your medicine reimbursed for you
- advantage to be working in life insurance company who will cover your hospital confinement
- advantage to be working in life insurance company who has already insured you for a considerable amount, thereby curtailing your bereavement expenses and allowing a reasonable claim to make sure your loved ones will not suffer should you not survive the Jolly Jeep diet

Ok. So, it is true that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

*Warning to all: Mag-ingat sa mga pagkain na binili lamang kung saan-saan :P

I'm so depresed and confused today.

I feel like suddenly you don't need me anymore. After our conversation I feel like you wouldn't bother with me again because you said to me "Alrite, if that's what you want" and left it at that. Well, don't you see that this is not what I want at all.

I don't know what to say, feel, or do anymore..

Not so long ago, when you were depressed and needed me, I was there and you thanked me. It made me happy then. And I told you at that time, "I know you would do the same for me."

*****

I can barely stand to see myself
I don't know what to do anymore
I'm crying out for help
Ohh Lord, much has been said
Will I never learn?

Keeping my fingers crossed
Praying for my luck to turn
But I can't complain
I'm living it easy
Job's keeping me busy
Going crazy
Can't describe the way it felt
When you left and said your goodbyes
It just seems crazy for me to think
That I'll find love a second time
But we all know how it all wraps up in the end
Maybe tomorrow we’ll find
Ohhh Lord…
What am I leaving behind?

3:00 a.m. today : I had another bad dream about ano hito no wo ai shimasu (that person) (yes iya, it's the same person ). I wake up badly shaken, my heart contracting in my chest.

Can't you leave me alone even in my dreams?

With waking up and going back to sleep equally out of the question, I desperately try to ring anyone whom I think might still be awake. At 3:15 a.m., to no avail, I realize that I'm alone.

I wrap my blankets tightly around myself and close my eyes in an attempt to go back to sleep. Then I realize that I'm crying. There is nothing worse that forcing yourself to go back to sleep on a wet pillow.

At 3:40 someone calls me, as if heaven sent help from God. He tells me "Tulog ka na ulit, bantay kita." Cheesily enough, I fall asleep with my celphone under my ear.

I've said this before. I don't want any more dreams. Am I denied even a good night's sleep?

I feel like I've turned into Gaara these past few days.