Ayoko sana maging mushy or baduy because that's really not my style. And hindi rin ako sanay magsulat ng mga ganitong bagay. Pero naisip ko rin, well blog ko to! So care ng mga tao dba :) hehehe :)
Isn't it funny how they say that when you're looking for something you never seem to find it, and when you're not looking it suddenly comes along and changes your life and it happens so fast that you don't really know what hit you.
I don't need to know and understand anyway. All I know is that I'm happy now
You see, all these years I've been building a wall between me and the word "LOVE", and I've been digging moats and trenches so that I could protect myself from it because I didn't want to get hurt. And likewise I didn't want to hurt anyone who fell inlove with me but I didn't love back (o cge cge pakapalan na ito, sabi na ang hirap magsulat ng ganito eh). I felt as if I had been rowing a boat through a sea of failed relationships, of trial and error attempts, of bruises and broken hearts. I built such a thick armor of defense around me so that no one could ever ever hurt me.
No one wants to be hurt. And no one deserves to be hurt.
So when He came along, I thought that it would be another one of those times that I'd be taken for a ride and left on the shelf when he got tired of me. When he smiled that smile, I tried to look away. When he held my hand, I tried to tell myself that he would let go of it shortly after. I tried to catch myself from falling.
I never expected that when I fell he would catch me.
I was so scared because it all happened so fast, and that our feelings might be something premature. But then again, who's to judge the speed of people's emotions? Two people could be together for a lifetime and still not fall inlove with each other.
I once bought a card from Hallmark that said, "How do you know when you're inlove?" and when you open it, it says "You just know." I guess that's the best way to explain it.
Anyway, this feeling is so new to me. I've never had someone who was as crazy about me just as I was crazy about him. I never had someone who didn't get annoyed no matter how much ko sha kinukulit as text or sa YM. It's a totally new feeling to have someone whom I was totally comfortable with, I could say anything and wear anything and just be myself, not have to pretend and I know it would be okay with him, just as his own self is ok with me. I never had someone who introduced me to his close friends and held my hand infront of them without feeling conscious. I never had someone who respected me, protected me and made me feel safe and secure.
So forgive me if I'm not an expert at handling these things. I was so used to trying to just being on the defense. And during those times that I turned to you and asked you, "Did I do ok? Did you think they liked me?". It's just me being a kid. It's just me wanting you to be pleased with me.