Uggh. I arrived way too early at work. It is not even 8:00 a.m. yet and I already feel like hitting someone. Worst of it is I have to wear the obligatory company uniform. There is nothing worse than having to slave all day, wearing some sexless, shapeless pantsuit and feeling like you look over forty. Of course, I am only 24.

Must find a more fullfilling ang financially rewarding job.

At work today so far:

"Hoy, bakit hindi ka nagsasalita?"
"Trish anjan ka ba? Hindi ka kasi nag-iingay eh"
"Huy! Salita ka naman jan! di ako sanay na hindi ka maingay.. parang wala akong katabi"
"Miss bakit parang malungkot ka?"
"O Ma'am Trish, Bakit?"
"Ano ka ba, kanina ka pa ganyan eh."
"Why are you frowning?" (meron din palang marunong mag inggles dito)
"Hoy Patricia! Anong problema?"
"O? Hindi ka kakain?Diet ka?"

At eto ang pinaka-masahol:

"Kaya pala hindi ka blooming today!"

Huh. I don't get it. Pag maingay ako, sinasaway ako. Pag tahimik ako sinasaway din ako.

Bakit ganito..

I never knew such a day could come
And I never knew such a love could be inside of one
I never knew what my life was for
But now that you're here, I know for sure

I never knew til I looked in your eyes
I was incomplete til' the day you walked into my life
And I never knew that my heart could feel so precious and pure
One love so real

Now baby the days and the weeks and the years will roll by
But nothing will change the love inside of you and I
And baby I'll never find any words that could explain
Just how much my heart, my life, my soul you've changed

Can you run to these open arms when no one else understands?
Can we tell God and the whole world i'm your woman and you're my man?
Can you just feel how much i love you with one touch of my hand,
Can i just spend my life with you?

No touch has ever felt so wonderful
No deeper love I've ever known
I'll never let you go
I swear this love is true
Now and forever, to you

Can i just see you every morning when I open my eyes?
Can i just feel your heart beating beside me every night?
Can we just feel this way together til' the end of all time,
Can i just spend my life with you?


{-Eric Benet & Tamia, Track 10: Day in the Life}

It seems everything around me, are things I never understood.

Once again, I say, "The lack of consideration and empathy day after day is beyond human endurance".

I knew this would happen the day they forced my Immediate Supervisor/Good Friend to resign. I knew that I would be at the mercy of the Department Head. I knew that I would be doing workload enough for three people. I thought that I had prepared myself for it, but everyday it's proving to be more difficult than I had planned.

Honestly, I am on the verge of cracking. Sometimes I just want to wring people's necks while screaming "Can't you see how much I have on my in-tray?!!?!". Sometimes I just want to drop everything and say, "Ok I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!" while flipping my hair over my shoulder then walking out in the manner of a priss. But then I realize, that is not the mature way to solve things. And it was never my nature to easily give up on things (which is why I would make a really good girlfriend because I know I can make a relationship work and last - NYAHAHAHA shameless bench-lifting here!).

Due to these realizations, my latest tactic at work was to admit mistakes and take responsibility for screwing up. I really hate complaining about work in my blog...di ko na iku-kwento kung ano talaga ang situation at work pero kung alam nyo ang Murphy's Law, yun ang nangyayari sakin ngayon. Kulang nalang pati pagpatay kay Ninoy at pag-pollute sa Pasig river ay aminin ko na. But it seems that even this was not enough for our Dept. Head. The next thing I knew, my 201 file was on her desk.

I guess I can't use her to get good recommendation when I apply for my next job.


*****

I remember not so long ago, when I was at the call center, I found myself in a situation that led me to ask several people this question: "Sinong mas pipiliin mo, yung taong mahal mo o yung taong mahal ka?"

Some people answered, "Yung taong mahal ko dahil hindi naman ako sasaya sa hindi ko mahal".

And some said, "Yung taong mahal ako dahil hindi matututunan ko din naman siya mahalin eh."


But one friend answered me this way:
"Tanga! Bakit hindi ka nalang humanap ng taong mahal mo tapos mahal ka din?"

Ngayon ko lang na-apply ang advice nya...

Pasensya na sa blogmush na ito.


Me & my baby Yo! I love him and he loves me.

It's just so weird how we found each other.

We wouldn't have met each other if I played Starcraft that day.
We wouldn't have met if  I had watched a movie that day.
We wouldn't have met if someone paid my telephone bill like they were supposed to.
We wouldn't have met if I hadn't gone on leave that day.

It's also strange because we could have met each other long ago.

We probably passed by each other in the school hallway.
We must've sat near each other in the cafeteria.
We certainly have heard mass together in school uniform.
I must have seen him playing baseball in the field.
He must have seen me in my CAT medic uniform.

But we didn't. We met each other when it was the right time. Even if the past was a path of thorns, it certainly led me to you.

It all made sense when I met you.

I really don't sing. Singing is my second worst talent (first is dancing :P).

Pero... napakanta mo ako hahah. I was really scared to sing infront of other people..but I did it cuz i love you.

Bakit ba ganyan, ang ibig ko'y lagi kang pagmasdan?
Umula't umaraw ay hindi pagsasawaan
ang iyong katangian

Damdamin ko'y ibang iba
kapag kapiling ka sinta

Bakit ba ganyan, kung minsan ay nauutal sa kaba
kapag ika'y kausap na?
Ngunit lumalakas ang loob
kung ika'y nakatawa

Ewan ko, kung bakit ba ganyan
Damdamin ay di maintindihan
Kailangan ang pag-ibig mo
Dahil sa ako'y nagmamahal sayo

Magmula ng kita ay makilala.

*****

Happy happy birthday to me last Thursday! Thank you to everyone who greeted me :) It was a really good birthday though I spent it in the office. I was supposed to be on leave, but i changed my mind because I didn't want to be home alone on my birthday. I came to work cuz I thought that maybe something really good would happen, like my officemates would prepare a surprise for me (hahah kapal ko talaga... but really they didn't disappoint me though!). But the biggest surprise I got was from the person that I loved most: Flowers! Kunyari pa sha na may sakit sha at wala sha sa Makati, hmph! It was effective, na-surprise naman ako. Tapos di pa sha nakuntento, pinuntahan pa ako ako sa house tapos may suprise ulit, Hmph! How could this person make me so happy? *tries to hide a smile*

L U!

Ayoko sana maging mushy or baduy because that's really not my style. And hindi rin ako sanay magsulat ng mga ganitong bagay. Pero naisip ko rin, well blog ko to! So care ng mga tao dba :) hehehe :)

Isn't it funny how they say that when you're looking for something you never seem to find it, and when you're not looking it suddenly comes along and changes your life and it happens so fast that you don't really know what hit you.

I don't need to know and understand anyway. All I know is that I'm happy now

You see, all these years I've been building a wall between me and the word "LOVE", and I've been digging moats and trenches so that I could protect myself from it because I didn't want to get hurt. And likewise I didn't want to hurt anyone who fell inlove with me but I didn't love back (o cge cge pakapalan na ito, sabi na ang hirap magsulat ng ganito eh). I felt as if I had been rowing a boat through a sea of failed relationships, of trial and error attempts, of bruises and broken hearts. I built such a thick armor of defense around me so that no one could ever ever hurt me.

No one wants to be hurt. And no one deserves to be hurt.

So when He came along, I thought that it would be another one of those times that I'd be taken for a ride and left on the shelf when he got tired of me. When he smiled that smile, I tried to look away. When he held my hand, I tried to tell myself that he would let go of it shortly after. I tried to catch myself from falling.

I never expected that when I fell he would catch me.

I was so scared because it all happened so fast, and that our feelings might be something premature. But then again, who's to judge the speed of people's emotions? Two people could be together for a lifetime and still not fall inlove with each other.

I once bought a card from Hallmark that said, "How do you know when you're inlove?" and when you open it, it says "You just know." I guess that's the best way to explain it.

Anyway, this feeling is so new to me. I've never had someone who was as crazy about me just as I was crazy about him. I never had someone who didn't get annoyed no matter how much ko sha kinukulit as text or sa YM. It's a totally new feeling to have someone whom I was totally comfortable with, I could say anything and wear anything and just be myself, not have to pretend and I know it would be okay with him, just as his own self is ok with me. I never had someone who introduced me to his close friends and held my hand infront of them without feeling conscious. I never had someone who respected me, protected me and made me feel safe and secure.

So forgive me if I'm not an expert at handling these things. I was so used to trying to just being on the defense. And during those times that I turned to you and asked you, "Did I do ok? Did you think they liked me?". It's just me being a kid. It's just me wanting you to be pleased with me.

It's just me being inlove with you.

Awhile ago, someone asked me, Hindi ka ba naooffend pag sinasabihan ka na maliit ka?

To me, it has the same effect as when someone asked me a few months back, Hindi ka ba naiinis dahil mahal mo sha at hindi ka nya mahal?

What do you think? I am only human after all.

If I was asked these questions a few years back, I would have answered differently than I would now. Truth is, my biggest insecurity in life is my height. And my biggest regret in life was losing the love that I thought I wanted.

But I've grown up in a lot of ways. I've learned to accept things that I couldn't change. I've learned to forgive myself for all the stupid things that I did. I've let a lot of things go. I've learned to laugh at myself and be comfortable with being just me. I don't have to impress anyone.

I first heard this song on the radio in my dad's car. It's called "Ugly" and I can totally relate to it.

When I was seven, they said I was strange
I noticed that my eyes and hair weren't the same
I asked my parents if I was okay
They said, "You're beautiful and that's the way
they show you that they wish they had your smile"
And so my confidence was up for awhile
I got real comfortable with my own style

There was a time when I felt like I cared
that I was shorter than everyone else
People made feel my life was unfair
So I did things that made me ashamed
Because I didn't know my body would change
I grew taller than them in more ways

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then so are you
So are you.

Anyway, I'm really not ugly. I'm just a little on the short side. So there. Nyahaha!

I don't really mind being this way, if you don't.

Huu Starbucks daw. Lekat kang magnanakaw ka, ibalik mo saken yan. Buti nalang kalahati palang ang nakuha mo. Nyahhaha :)

*****

Hayy.

May mga plano talagang hindi natutuloy... mga pangarap na hindi natutupad... mga hangarin na hindi naisasagawa....

Paalam i-pod Video. Huhuhu!!!

Balak ko sana mag-salary loan para sa luho kong ito..pero sabi nila sa office hindi daw aaprubahan ang application ko pag nakitang sa Alabang ako nakatira at sumasakay ako sa Fortuner. Madaya! Akala tuloy ng mga tao mayaman ako. Ang totoo nyan, if I were left on my own, pupulutin nalang siguro ako sa kangkungan.

Anyway, pinagalitan ako ng mga matatanda sa opis, dapat daw ang salary loan for emergency purposes lang, at wag gamitin sa mga luho at kaartehan.

Tama na nga ang mga luho. Seryosohan naman :)

*****
May magnanakaw na unti unting ninanakaw ang iniingatan ko. :)